You only have so many character points

And you can’t go up every talent tree at once

When the nurse gave me the results of my MRI I was relived. It was so visceral that my legs got weak and my skin flushed.

I had her repeat it just to be sure.

“No changes.”

Since it had been so long without changes it was determined that Petunia is “stable and within normal limits” for my body. Blood test have been ordered to check a myriad of things but for now I am to treat this as if what I experienced was exhaustion… all signs (fainting, dizzy spells, lack of concentration, emotional rollercoasters, insomnia, headaches) pointing to adrenal fatigue.

I hung up the phone and crawled out of a bed of literal and metaphorical tears to do a happy dance, which lasted all of 5 minutes before I became enraged with myself
I felt like an idiot

Because…. DUH!

You only have so many character points
And you can’t go up every talent tree at once

As a RP Gamer I should have known that shit.

Every fucking character ever is allotted a certain amount of “creation points”
If you want to be stupid smart you will either be an asshole, not ascetically appealing or have arms with the strength of asparagus spears.

To this day I have yet to conjure up or come into contact with a super intelligent, super strong, super stunning, emotionally stable character. I don’t care whether you’re dishing Warhammer, DnD, LOTR, or GURPS. Not even a High Elf can pull off being brawny, brilliant and beautiful with the “Blessing of Venus” unless they are willing to take on the “Curse of Venus ”* as well.

And in game I know this.
So why am I killing my RL self trying to achieve flawlessness in everything?

You can’t boss every talent tree in fucking forest
You’ll break your neck
You’ll be mediocre at best at every skill you attempt to pick up. Ever meet an Arcane/Fire/Ice Mage? No? Wonder why? Because they are useless!
(Arcane for the win btw)

You also can’t try to create a full on quest out of every thing the GM casually mentions either.
You’ll never get to the end game
You’ll get trapped in a story line or side tracked by the B plot when everyone knows the A plot is what is really gonna yield that delicious XP

You can’t charge head first into the Undercity of Ruins of Lordaeron screaming “For the ALLIANCE!”. You have to make sure those bars are all full, your armor is tight and shiny and that you have your guild behind you first. You have to rest, regenerate and recoup or you’ll end up getting corpse camped and desecrated by some godforsaken 12 year old whose teacher just informed them of the F they earned on their most recent algebra exam.

And speaking of guilds
Life is PvP (Player vs Player) you can’t solo forever. You’ll need help. 
I need help…

It’s a fuck ton of can’t
But what I can do is choose

I can choose a few talents to grow and cultivate and dominate the hell out of
I can choose what projects I put my valuable energy into
I can choose who I spend my (now limited) time with
I can treat myself with the same kindness and compassion I expect others to give to themselves
I can sleep 8 hours a night, meditate, breathe, take a vacation, call over a friend for a cuddle and a cup of tea.
I can put off conquering the world to live in it and enjoy it sometimes

The rules have changed
Or rather they haven’t changed
I’m realizing that they apply.
And I’m gonna try really hard not to break them this time
Because breaking them means breaking me

I want that brass ring
I want to see what level I can get to
I want to get to the top of that tree
I want that flying mount… the one that breathes fire
I and want to enjoy discovering myself along the way.

Curse of Venus: Something all women seem to be born with. The ability to attract unwanted attention via simply breathing