Oregon Day 2: Digging The Hole

The waves were glowing in the dark as they broke across the sands
My bare feet followed the path through the rustling grass. It grew higher with every step. Pulling at the hem of my dress

Aren’t you afraid
A voice said

Yes.

Aren’t you going to turn away
A voice said

No.

There was cacophony between my ears. As loud as it was when I was a child. Several beings speaking at once.
Some saying Don’t! Turn Back! Stop!
Others saying Trust us! You can be afraid but you must trust us!

As the ground below me dipped I reached out. Blind with out my glasses. Impeded by the night. I trusted. I gripped the earth and it gripped me back.
Delivered me gently to the sandy shore.

I started digging
Frantically, fanatically, desperately
Crying and screaming

I’m tired
I don’t know what’s next
I don’t want to die
This hurts so much
I’m so broken
I’m so broken
I’m so broken

I wailed into the hole until words dissolved into gutteral and keening songs

For once my throat let me
Loosened so I could push it out

Take this please!
Transform this please!

When I was done covered the hole
Instantly embarrassed for showing up at Their house without an offering to give.

When I rose up with apologies on my lips I was pulled back down.
My belly filling the space my tears once had
I was prostrate
Screaming again through a mouth full of sand

My brothers were there then
Telling me to keep going
Telling me that I was loved
Telling me that I was not alone
Telling me that the fires in the sky were my home and my people

I shifted as some thing moved into mr
kicked me twice like a knocking from the inside.

I sat up with legs spread open
Knees bent
Felt like labor
I began to laugh and sigh and say ow! As I held their arms for support.

The grief and fear and rage had been transformed and given back to me. Clay I could shape into something new.

They blew blessed tobacco on my feet, my palms, my heart, my head, my thighs, my womb. I took a lung full of it and kissed it into the sand.

They wrapped me in a blanket
And our fingers intertwined as we watched the ocean glow under a sky full of stars.

Then we,
Whole and Beautiful
took the dark path back into the light

Together.

#witchshit
#diggingthehole
#family
#queermagic
#transformation
#loveisaverb

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s