My sexual preference used to be anyone who would fuck me until that one time in that one place where three queer, fat, Black, kinksters fisted the white jesus out of me.
As a fat, black, queer, afab human being the mainstream had me believing that my options were severely limited.
Scarcity had me out here fucking trash and being grateful.
Fear had me out here engaging in mediocre mostly hetero sex because I didn’t consider my own desires
Disbelief in my basic humanity had me giving Faberge eggs (what I call my absolute beast of a head game) to assholes.
I didn’t even know I had a problem until I was educated otherwise.
They gave me a knowing that night
They,Black with bodies abundant as all the silken river beds
Smelling of coconut oil and leather
They who beat new rhythms into my heart with four fists
They who knocked at the tabernacle door until I opened like a cathedral singing new and holy songs
They gave me a knowing
This knowing goes beyond the bedroom.
Over the years its dissolved into my flesh and bones it began to change how I interacted with the greater world around me and myself. It made life difficult, it made me uncomfortable it had me eventually unable to sexually/ emotionally engage with fuck shit so I tried desperately to forget this knowing.
I fall asleep
I wake up
I fall asleep
I wake up
I fall asleep
I’ve come to realize over that years that I can never unknow it. I submit to it.
It is as beautifully undeniable as I am.
As beautifully undeniable as you are are too.
You are fucking worthy
You are beautiful in all of your humanity
Your Queer Trans Fat Black Brown body is precious
You are precious
You get to be touched like you are temple, pages to be turned and read, caressed and memorized like sacred scripture in a holy book
You get to be treated in these same ways too outside of sex
You get to demand for yourself what you willing give to so many other people
May it always and forever be so.
Full post at link on bio.
The Kindred Black and Brown, Blessed Trans & Sacred Queers
I am sorry for your breaking hearts
Our breaking hearts
My breaking heart
I am sorry that we continue to witness those who say they are allied to us give in to their privilege repeatedly
that you are watching them say things like this is the last one or I’m going for “community” not to support the event
that they are telling themselves that they are going to protect YOU!
that they mistook a walk out, a leaving, a pulling up of roots, a divestment as some simple boycott
I’m sorry they act like this is one small thing when it is symptomatic of the greater diseases:white supremacy and transphobia
that your pain is treated as an inconvenience even unto your own people
They can’t see how this is greater than a weekend, an event, a single moment in time.
Here is my prayer for you
for me in this New Year
May our aching fingers finally ease from the grip of continuing to hold on to skin folk who ain’t kinfolk, from false allies who speak love but remain "conflicted"
May we let go of the responsibility of mending and protecting those who will neither mend nor protect us
May they in all their excuses be revealed like torch bearers on a Charlottesville night
May our palms open so these people can flow from them
So that our empty hands can be filled instead with all the blessings this melanated, binary gender refuting and queer as fuck Universe has to offer us
May your heart be soothed by the centering of your sacred self
Those without the privilege of choice
without the illusion of isolated events
unwilling to love something that does not love them back
You do not nor have you ever asked for too much
You are so deserving of the birthright of your own humanity
May you have it
Every ounce of it
May you never hunger for it
May you never thirst
BTS 📸 by @tinajunephotography
For @leslie_muse experimental film "Heavenly Brown Body" based off of “Litanies to My Heavenly Brown Body" by Mark Aguhar
MUA @allia.mua and @vyvytar