TW: Disordered Eating, Frozen 2
❄️ This isn't going to be elegant.
I'm a fatty with an eating disorder.
For a few months now I have been struggling with food. The stress of this whole thing compounded stress factors I was already dealing which lead to my disordered eating spiralling out of control. I legit went off food.
I went off food so hard that I got nauseous, body pains and my digestive system started shutting down.
My clothes are loose, I have constant indigestion and I'm weak as a fucking proverbial kitten.
I had to use an enema for it's intended use and not as a form of torture or pregame.
It was in this weakened state that I decided to watch Frozen 2.
It had redundant humor and you could tell it was made too close to Berkeley.
Arendell should have been destroyed.
Elsa and Anna should have known their mother was Indigenous.
How could their mother marry their father with what happened?
If their mother lived in harmony with the Spirits why would she dare to try to "fix" Anna?
And why did y'all make the most interesting person the white boy?!?!?! Holy fuck Kristoff?!?!
They gave him the Dr. Who Rory treatment.
Like when he scooped Anna up and saved her from certain death he didn't chastise her reckless ass, didn't ask how she could abandon him.
He said "what do you need?" And when she said what she needed he said "Got it" and did the damn thing and stepped out of the way.
I rewound that sequence like ten times because it was absolute porn.
But before that he sang some shit that had me screaming. Like they jumped the rails with some 80's early 90's Michael Bolton, Peter Cetera, REO Speedwagon ballad shit that nearly destroyed me in the best way.
Anyways I was able to eat twice today and sit at the table for a little while.
Tommorow I hope to have enough strength to go for a walk...and find a therapist so I don't make these lackluster decisions again. 📸 by Jamie He
I have had bird flu
And I've had swine flu
I'm alive today because of Adriane Hughes
It came on fast with a high fever that made me delirious. In a moment of clarity I called Dre. I think she had me take my temperature. I'm not sure. What I do remember is that she announced: "Everybody get out of my house. Renie is dying. I'm taking her to the hospital"
She instructed me to take a fever reducer and unlock the front door. I don't remember much after that. I have a blurry memory of looking up at her from the floor and then waking up in a hospital bed with her reading me Anansi Tales.
I had insurance at the time that I had H1N1(swine flu). Kaiser sent me home. They said you have this but we are not going to officially diagnose you or treat you because older folks and kids need the medicine. They said I would be fine in a week and they didn't advise me on how to take care of myself. They didn't tell me how infectious I was. They didn't tell me I could die. They didn't tell me to come back it it got worse.
Some people are shocked and angry when I told them what happened.For me it's simply a life hazzard of being Fat and Black.
It got worse
It got much worse
So bad that I now have asthmatic symptoms whenever I get sick. Even if it's just a cold.
She drove me home and then somehow took my car so I stayed down.
I don't remember how I ate.
I don't remember much of anything.
I do know that it was my community who fed me
Did my laundry
Read me stories
They had been educated by their mamas and aunties. Chicken soup, water, cold compress, laughter, stay down, bleach, repeat.
I'm not saying this to scare you
I'm saying this to say:
We've done this before
We will do it again
We are and have always been all we got.
Empaths | Caretakers | Therapists | Social Workers,
You are a lighthouse in a storm
people are being drawn to you.
It is so important that you take care of yourself right now.
It is so important that you meditate, scream, cry, shake as much as possible.
Dance into a frenzy
Be consciously aware thatyou are holding not just your own feelings but the ambient dross of all around you.
Paranoia of the selfish entitled horders
The real fears of people who can not financially support themselves through these shutdowns
The panic of misrepresented numbers
The dread of those in isolation
You are being expected to function and provide support to people while you yourself maybe dealing with your own crisis.
While you your self may be triggered by all these other people being triggered.
I am so sorry
To every store clerks, government worker, teacher, mental health care worker, sex worker, nurse, doctor
I am so sorry that you are expected to keep so calm, so level headed, so "professional" while this spins around you.
I see you
I see your humanity
This is my prayer for you✨
May you be so fucking blessed
So tightly held
So deeply loved and supported
May some deep magic move around you to shield you mentally and physically from the onslaught
May you be seen and treasured by all who come into contact with you
When you lay down may you sleep peacefully
When you walk this world may it be with ease
May your showers and baths cleanse more than your body
May your spirit be fed and nourished
You are a lighthouse in the storm
You are a candle in the dark
May you find moments of hope and joy
May you have peace
May you not burn out