(Fuck you)I’m Still a Woman

I saw it happen to someone today and it reminded me of what I went through myself.

I remember struggling under the weight of a massage table and my various bags while some asshole chatted on his phone just outside the door. Once I was inside I paused to readjust my shoulder strap and watched as this summer’s eve opened the door for a thin woman who was carrying only a purse.
I
Was
Pissed.

I began to notice it everywhere.

-Clothing stores that cut off sexy at a size 12
-Television shows where the hefty girls are comedic relief, the dateless best friend, the asexual sidekick, the compassionate caretaker.
-People thinking that I was strong or capable of physical labor they would not have asked someone half my size to even consider.
-Websites and comments that compare women of size to animals and furniture,
-Classified as pretty but never beautiful, photographed boobs up.

This idea by the general population that my weight makes me invisible as a person and non applicable as a woman.

(fucking sigh)

My dress size does not dictate the diverseness my femininity!

My “Womyness” is something within,
It goes past my hips and thighs and as my trans sisters can attest to it is deeper than even my vagina.
It is not measured by the size of my breasts or their ratio to my stomach.

The honor of being a woman is something you are born with.
Not something that is earned.
Not a gift given to you.

So fuck you society. You don’t get to take this away from me.
You don’t get to take away the feeling of hands brushing up my legs, or silk curling around my sides.
You don’t get to take away the thrill of the tease or the batting of eyes.
I will not surrender to you and consider this shell to be a sin.
I will not pay a penance for my plumpness.

I defy you with every v-neck top
Every short skirt
Every lacey bra
Every ruby red kiss
Every dip of my hips
Every laugh of joy and cry of orgasmic release.

You don’t get to tell me who or what I am.

You don’t get to tell that woman… that beautiful beautiful woman who she is either.

#@#$%*$&@&#*$*@*@$!!!!!1!!!

Yawn and stretch) now that I have had some rest…..

Normally I paint a scene and give everyone a bit of background information but I feel that this incident of jackassery needs no such introduction

For suggesting that I lack the ability to do my job because I am fat.
Fuck you!!
Fuck you!!
Fuck You!!!!!!
I wish I had paid more attention in latin and biology class so that I could appropriately place you into the correct order, family, species, and genus of Ed Hardy Brotard you were obviously born into.

You know two years ago I would have cried. I would have been embarrassed. I would have not eaten for a week and then crawled inside a couple of cartons of Häagen-Dazs but now

Now I refuse to let some sizest shit head send me spiraling into a binge and purger.
Yeah I’m fat
and I’m also a damn skippy therapist
My size has nothing to do with my precision or skill you (insert all sorts of hyphenated f-bomb references to the vilest creatures imaginable) My deep tissue is a beast and my therapeutic precision capabilities have been trained tested and proven. So lets call a spade a spade. It wasn’t about the massage was it? It’s because as Kathryn put it “I didn’t make your dick hard”. If you wanted a massage you can jack off to you should have peeped the fucking metro jackass.

And while I’m on this mini massage rant
Little Miss Vanity… male massage therapist don’t want to molest you.
Homophobic Douche Bag… male massage therapist don’t want to molest you either and I know several tiny female massage therapists that will make you cry uncle with their deep tissue.

We are professionals… we go to school for this and judging our work based on size, sex or sexual-orientation makes you kinda suck

like a hoover.

Fat on Phat Violence

Disclaimers: the following post contains multiple, continuous and flagrantly shameless use of the words: fuck, bitch, and FAT If any of these words offend you or if you’re one of my former English teachers please navigate away from this page now

Dear Ungrateful Fat Bitches,

WTF
nobody put’s baby in a corner

I expected hate from the “mainstream” but from you. You’re breaking my god damn heart. I knew when I started doing burlesque that I would have an uphill battle to fight but I can’t believe you are trying to drag my ass down too. Oh you are flag waving for equality, bitching about how people treat you differently, crying about all that bullshit you went though in grade school but when it comes down to it sometimes you are just as much part of the problem.

Lets start with the thing that pisses me off the most. More than the fuck-me-never frumpy grey clothes you wear, the constant newest fad diets you go on, or the enabling support groups where you get together and cry. Lets start with this: The whole. utter and complete dismissal of yourself as a sexually potent human being…

I keep getting these response from other big women:
#1 We are about celebrating our curves not sexualizing them
#2What you are doing is perpetuating a harmful fetishism
#3 We deserve to be loved not put on embarrassing display

1
Ummmm… you lost me sweetness what better celebration of your curves, then covering it with glitter and dancing the night away.

2
The idea that my particular thunda thighs are floating her boat or rockin his cock doesn’t break my flow sugah. It’s not like I have to stand there and watch them do it to it. I’ll pose for a picture for private use…and if they want panties that costs extra (you freaks know how to reach me 😉 ) . Besides like someone pointed out to me the other day skinny women don’t get pissed off that people find them attractive just because they are skinny. Or do ya’ll?

3
I really wished you believed that… because if you did then you would not fall for prey to being what Kathryn calls the “grateful fat chick”. I am not a grateful fat chick but I used to be. I was that fat girl that would be oh so happpy that someone was checking her out, asking her out, or calling her pretty. I was that fat girl that was content to let him touch her in private even if he didn’t hold her hand in public. I was that fat girl that was starving for his compliments and hungrily eating all the bullshit he spit out. I am no longer a grateful fat chick… now I’m a phat bitch

I’m out there shaking my wide ass and jiggling my tits not just to appease my behemoth sized ego but to liberate you, reeducate the masses and fuck with the heads of fat-o-phobs. I’m fighting to be free in mind and expression. Yeah I’m taking my clothes off but if you look past that you’ll see that I have the ovaries and intestinal fortitude to live my dream at my present size in my present body unapologetically and that is something that extends beyond the stage.

That’s the real reason you fat bitches hate on me. I am shoving in your face what you want to run from most,what you cover up with girdles and cinch in with control top panties. Because you have not let go of your shame, and self loathing. Because someone beat you down so hard you are trying to beat me down too.

But I don’t want to beat you down,
I don’t want to embarrass you.
I want you to really see, to really accept how fabulous you are, how deserving you are how damn pretty you are.

And don’t give me that it’s so easy for you bullshit either. I went though it too, from sneak eating to starving, from depression so deep that I could not step outside… I’d binge and purge on self hate with side orders of hot steamy shame. I may not always be fat.. you may one day be skinny but we are ALWAYS human beings. And as human beings we have basics needs that are physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, sexual.

Because I believe fat bitches need love too
Because I believe that this phat bitch needs love too I refuse to let your fear, past rejections and negative reflections suppress my sexuality, my sensuality, my personality .

Nobody puts baby in the corner!!
Besides there is too much of me to even fuck around at pretending at being invisible.
All 5’6 279 pounds of me demands to be respected to be loved, to be touched, to be sexualized and fetish-ized and glamorized and seen for the powerful beautiful woman that I am.

so do me a favor
cut a bitch a break
and stop weighing me down with all your misplaced hate.

oh and Dr Phil… BITE ME!!