Category: Uncategorized

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Lean in

Dear Blackwoman/femmes/non-men, I write this to you as earnestly as I write it to myself. Some people, systems, inner demons and internalized misogynoir may try to convince you that you are on some new and destructive shit by choosing you but I’m taking a moment to say to you and to myself that that is some bullshit. As a Black person,assigned female at birth,I … Read More Lean in

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If you can’t show up show yourself out.

It’s wild that the wisdom I had at seventeen I had to relearn at 30. After a dance I was sucking face with this guy in the back of a car outside of a diner. I had announced that I needed to go back to the car “for my glasses” then hipchecked this guy, gave a wink and a nod and said wanna shove … Read More If you can’t show up show yourself out.

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I am like my hair

I was taught that no one can be gentle with me because I am some thing that is difficult to deal with.
Something so dark and tightly wound, something so coarse it requires refinement or a cure.

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39

almost didn’t make it twice this year Every month something wild AF has happened. I had childhood abusive situations confirmed, almost died twice, lost my home and my business, ended longstanding relationships with people I shared love with and started the process of changing my name. This birthday is a 1st for me in many ways. Namely in how I seek to celebrate it. … Read More 39

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Just hold my hand

I deal with a lot of my shit through writing. Lately the things that have been coming out have been hard to re-read. I’m reminded by every breath that I am still so severely compromised and that it is going to take anywhere from 6 months to two years to recover. The most terrifying thing was being alone. I knew it was for everyone’s … Read More Just hold my hand

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Being Black: Vetting Spaces

I once sat down with a white woman I had offended by telling her to stand down on attacking a Black woman on my page. It was over a protest situation.That asshat had just been elected and a bunch of white people organized some hand holding event with onsite therapists at Grand Lake. At first I was like this is great but quickly realized … Read More Being Black: Vetting Spaces

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Wall?

TW: dream contains knife violence Everyone has a wall.We shouldn’t even know where that is but not only am I familiar with every nook and cranny of this wall Ive scrapping my skin off by bashing into it repeatedly.And nowNow I’ve burst through it like the goddamn kool-aid man. Last night as I lay there throat burning and stomach hurting, chest closing I thought … Read More Wall?

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Thoughts on almost dying…again

I’m currently sleeping with a teddy bear that isn’t minewith a stuffed camel and a zebra in a blanket nest I construct every night I wake up in dark and fumble for the oximeterstumble a finger into it and press a buttonthese numbers mean the difference between falling asleep or sitting awake just so I can remember to remember to breathe Mornings are the … Read More Thoughts on almost dying…again

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Vulgar

Joyce Lee noticed that I hide my face when people talk about sex so she gave me Vulgar as a prompt. TW: It is fucking vulgar. Seriously if you’re related to me here is your invitation to not continue 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 Vulgar I cringe to admit it but I think my Ancestors got … Read More Vulgar

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I don’t have to be excellent to fucking matter

I don’t know who needs to hear this but… I’ve had #excellence shoved down my throat so deep it owes ME money. #BlackExcellence was beaten into me in an attempt to protect me from white supremacy and fuckshit. The messed up thing about this is that this kind of excellence is often informed by the anti-Blackness it was meant to keep me safe from. … Read More I don’t have to be excellent to fucking matter

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My Child, Forgive me

I’m consciously letting this storm catch me. Everything is gravity mocking blur and I can barely see or breathe or think as things are ripped and washed away. Sometimes when I stand in the eye of this, I come face-to-face with a younger version of me. She is devastated. Joyce Lee’s prompt was forgiveness. I ask it of myself *********** My Child, Forgive Me … Read More My Child, Forgive me

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O’Death

I believe You love me I have educated myself on the subject of you since this body has been made for you and I sincerely believe that You love me one day one day I’m gonna rise up singing I’ll fly away, in the morning to lay my burden down by Your river I’ll be washed clean was the promise so I know You … Read More O’Death

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