If you can’t show up show yourself out.

It’s wild that the wisdom I had at seventeen I had to relearn at 30. After a dance I was sucking face with this guy in the back of a car outside of a diner. I had announced that I needed to go back to the car “for my glasses” then hipchecked this guy, gave…

I am like my hair

I was taught that no one can be gentle with me because I am some thing that is difficult to deal with.
Something so dark and tightly wound, something so coarse it requires refinement or a cure.

39

almost didn’t make it twice this year Every month something wild AF has happened. I had childhood abusive situations confirmed, almost died twice, lost my home and my business, ended longstanding relationships with people I shared love with and started the process of changing my name. This birthday is a 1st for me in many…

Just hold my hand

I deal with a lot of my shit through writing. Lately the things that have been coming out have been hard to re-read. I’m reminded by every breath that I am still so severely compromised and that it is going to take anywhere from 6 months to two years to recover. The most terrifying thing…

Being Black: Vetting Spaces

I once sat down with a white woman I had offended by telling her to stand down on attacking a Black woman on my page. It was over a protest situation.That asshat had just been elected and a bunch of white people organized some hand holding event with onsite therapists at Grand Lake. At first…

Wall?

TW: dream contains knife violence Everyone has a wall.We shouldn’t even know where that is but not only am I familiar with every nook and cranny of this wall Ive scrapping my skin off by bashing into it repeatedly.And nowNow I’ve burst through it like the goddamn kool-aid man. Last night as I lay there…

Thoughts on almost dying…again

I’m currently sleeping with a teddy bear that isn’t minewith a stuffed camel and a zebra in a blanket nest I construct every night I wake up in dark and fumble for the oximeterstumble a finger into it and press a buttonthese numbers mean the difference between falling asleep or sitting awake just so I…

Vulgar

Joyce Lee noticed that I hide my face when people talk about sex so she gave me Vulgar as a prompt. TW: It is fucking vulgar. Seriously if you’re related to me here is your invitation to not continue 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 🤷🏿 😅 😅 😅 😅 😅 Vulgar I cringe…

I don’t have to be excellent to fucking matter

I don’t know who needs to hear this but… I’ve had #excellence shoved down my throat so deep it owes ME money. #BlackExcellence was beaten into me in an attempt to protect me from white supremacy and fuckshit. The messed up thing about this is that this kind of excellence is often informed by the…

My Child, Forgive me

I’m consciously letting this storm catch me. Everything is gravity mocking blur and I can barely see or breathe or think as things are ripped and washed away. Sometimes when I stand in the eye of this, I come face-to-face with a younger version of me. She is devastated. Joyce Lee’s prompt was forgiveness. I…