I thought that I had escaped unscathed

There were no arguments, no fighting, no raising of voices.  It ended how it began…quietly and in the dark.  As the rain came down in thick soft dollops that penetrated through our hooded sweat shirts the sharp cold woke me up, refreshed me, cleansed me.

It was easy,

the physicality of it.

 

 

I was moving on and I kept moving. I could deal with all those emotional chunks in passing…

with detachment, when I had time.

Besides these emotions would not matter until I got in deep, became submerged in an other being in a partnered, live in, combined finances kinda way.

 

I was wrong.

I did not escape without a scar… it is the same one I went in with.

I feel like I am screaming “You are worthy” to other people because sometimes I desperately need to remember it for myself.

The work is constant

it is never done        While in a vacuum I am aware of my value.  Out in the world I am often trying to prove this worth to other people

 

because I don’t trust them to love me.

 

So today

I’m going to trust that you
my friend/lover/Dominate/submissive/peer/kindred
will find me pleasing
even if I am not actively trying to please you

I am going to trust that you
see my worth
even when I am in stillness

I am going to trust that you
can move around me
without leaving me behind

I am going to trust this trust
you have in me
even though this terrifies me.

I am going to trust that
you will care for me
Not because of what I can do for you
but because of who I am

and I am going to trust that you love me
The same way I love you