I wonder if you see it as mystical and as magical as I do. I wonder if you notice how everything had to come into synergy for us to be the way we are with each other now.
For the better part of a decade I thought I knew what love was. It was tolerance, sacrifice, not kicking the other person when they were down. It was caring for, cleaning up after, pushing and pulling and changing drastically for the “us”, the unit, the team. I thought that love was achieving the impossible. That love didn’t happen every day so it had to be held onto, maintained, protected and kept guilelessly pure even if the vessel rotted around it.
I thought it was convoluted.
complicated.
I was wrong
Love can be simple.
You do not protect and maintain it. IT protects and maintains you. It purifies you and give you a hope with which you can achieve the impossible. It gives you the ability to endure and change. To yield instead of pull… to push so gently that dust remains unsettled while breaking through an immovable mountain.
It is the honesty to tell each other the truth even if you are down, to give everything you have while sacrificing nothing.
It is perpetual motion while standing perfectly still
It is not limited to romance
It is real
It is blissfully mundane and in that lies it magic
Love happens everyday… that’s fucking important to remember so I’ll type it again. Love happens everyday.
It’s the warm hand adjusting the seam of your black fishnet stockings, or the careful yet ample application of glitter spray to a nervous, giggly body. It’s the battle cry of “Vajazzle” and “I live”
It’s a tolerated snore in your ear or drool on your shoulder
It’s in reconnection and forgiveness.
It’s a shared night that we may never talk about again but think about every-time we see each other and smile.
It’s a bag of snap peas you didn’t have to get
the extra tip you gave
or refused to take.
It’s the in following text:
“Where you at bitch? Dead in a ditch? I haven’t hear from you since god was a child”
It’s telling me I have something stuck between my two front teeth.
It’s taking my car and forcing me to call in sick when I am. It’s reminding me of me when I have lost myself. You remember the little things and you are present for the big ones.
It’s your breath against my neck at 2am
the sound of your voice over the phone at midnight
It’s the open invite to dinner or lunch or breakfast even though I never quite seem to have the time.
It’s letting me feel safe enough to painfully vulnerable and trusting me to be powerfully strong for you.
It’s refusing to let go
And at the same time the best and healthiest of love based decisions means that yes, I must let you go
Yes, you must let me go.
It’s in seeing my faults and filling those empty spaces with your own unique perfection and allowing me the privilege of doing the same for you.
Thank you
To all who have allowed me to love them
Thank you
To all who have loved me well
I am, I understand, I am doing the work with and because of you.
#MammyisDead 