Comfort

I stay telling my clients that they don’t have to live in discomfort.

I’m so fucking #teamvirgo because I also stay being do as I say not as I do.

From 5 to 17 I lived in saddle oxfords and uniforms. By 18 I was buying my own clothing and shoes so that meant thrift stores, clothing shops and if I needed something new Payless. I knew I was uncomfortable but I knew that I could deal with it.

Today Wednesday gently lured me into a shop while I made soft wookie nosies under my breath to soothe my nerves.

They coaxed me into a pair of shoes that made me so comfortable that I literally took off running and jumping while the sales people laughed.

They then listened as I said I can’t afford, I have debt to pay, if I can’t buy it then I shouldn’t have it. I’m old enough to take care of myself and I got myself in the position of not being able to afford something I so obviously need so this is just something I live with until I can.

I’m in constant pain.
It ranges from a 2 to 7 with a daily median of 5. I was about a 5 in my current gear but when I put on those shoes it dropped to a 2, my posture changed, my hips allowed me a honest to god gait instead of a shuffle.

They held my hand and spoke to me in soft tones while I almost cried because I couldn’t get around myself.

They made a suggestion, a compromise, a way and so now I have shoes that fit, that can go into the garden and down a hill and into a dungeon too if I wanted.

And I have within my own body an understanding of what I so fiercely fight for other people to have on a daily basis.

I didn’t want to be comfortable because I didn’t want to maintain it. More to the point I didn’t want to lose it.

My existence has never been comfortable.
I told myself it could never be comfortable.
I keep getting shown that that is a lie.
A tape recorded so I wouldn’t push back or demand or dream or ask or hope or want.

So yeah
Okay
I’ll slip into these shoes and I’ll push back
I’ll demand
I’ll dream
I’ll ask
I’ll hope
I’ll want more.

Thank you Love.

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