Normally I share the story of the Goddess of Joy on this day but not this time.
This season has been so fucking hard and that’s my own fault. I made an ask to the God of Death when the veil was thin and He drank of the holy offering and delivered.
When I asked for freedom from scarcity I thought it was a clever way of gaining money and security that money can offer. I was quickly shown where the real scarcity came from and put in a process of healing and mending that meant that several things had to go.
It drove me through grief and into numbness. I’m moving in the flow of it now. I’m not fighting it anymore. I’m letting it wash over me. Screaming into the cold darkness is actually a comfort.
I’m having dramatic ugly cries.
I beat my chest and pull at my hair and I curse and I dry heave. Each layer ripped back reveals a part of me that has been lost for so long so I’m facing it.
Letting my tears become a black mirror so I can catch all these peices of me.
I’m in the middle of this journey right now on this long night. I hold my past stories written for me in on hand and my past stories rewritten by me in the other.
Tonight I commit what is not mine into the fire of transformation.
I look forward to the rest of this dark season and the rest it has mandated. I yeild to the necessity of it.
I need all I can get
So I can be ready for what rises with the Sun.
May you have all you need in these dark days
May you rest well
And awake renewed
Written for the Living Tarot 2018 “The Sun”
Oh beauteous child
Beauteous child of the unKnown universe
Mourn not for things you lost in the nebulous night
for rended hearts,
knocked over dreams spilling into oblivions of gloom
Mourn not for things Dark Mother has stripped from you
It has burned to ash in the dawning of this glorious day
You were never meant to navigate upon someone else’s trajectory
You were meant to pull planets of your own design into an orbit composed and conducted by the fire of your beating heart,
the flame of your eternal spirit
the devouring incandescence of your sex
This is a requiem for the stygian fray
a summoning for the dawning day
This is a requiem for the trials and vexations
a summoning for the harbingers of creation
This is a requiem for the ill gotten stories that turned your mirrored soul to smoke screen
a summoning for the deliciously indecent decadent innocence of your true self seen
Oh beauteous child of the unknown universe
night will fall again
And I promise you
Like the sun
And all that stands in your way
Shall burn before your gaze
Remember that you are the sun
Now rise and fucking shine