I once sat down with a white woman I had offended by telling her to stand down on attacking a Black woman on my page.

It was over a protest situation.
That asshat had just been elected and a bunch of white people organized some hand holding event with onsite therapists at Grand Lake.

At first I was like this is great but quickly realized that it felt like a “let me show you how to protest appropriately” type deal. None of the speakers were Black or Brown and it didn’t seem like they had any Black or Brown therapists.

When I explained this to this woman a month later she didn’t get it. She was so hurt by me. She wanted me to be accountable for silencing her-
another woman!

She said she had no idea any of that would be an issue and how could she have known…who researches an event before they go?

I do! I said. I do and people like me. We have to be prepared for fuckery of all sorts. You not having to do it is a privilege.

She got real upset at that and as it was my first time really having this type of conversation bluntly with a “friend” I allowed her white tears to throw me all the way off. I even agreed to do art with her around our conversation.

By time I walked to my car I was so pissed off at myself. I realized what had happened. I didn’t follow up with her.

A month later I woke up to news of white men in khakis with tiki torches in Charlottesville. She reached out later that day to say: I haven’t heard from you about our art project. What’s up with that?

I went back to bed.

This is why you didn’t see me at burlesque or theater shows unless I was in them, unless I was paid to be there.
This is also why I stopped performing at certain places. I knew how they treated Black & Brown and fat performers who didn’t have the benefit of some kind of clout.
This is part of why I took a huge step back from burlesque in general.
This is why I rarely share events on my page.
I don’t want to be casually fucked up.
I don’t want my kin to be casually fucked over.

Movies, books, events, news, doctors, therapists, restaurants, neighborhoods, schools, booty-calls literally EVERY FUCKING thing is vetted, weighed and measured against the potential harm it may cause.